Tick tock tick tock... it's now 2006.
We've talked to so many people last year and need to talk to even more this year. But we had not ink any deals with anyone - cast, crew or investor by December 2005.
We sat down doing some serious thinking - we haven't an investor, we have no distribution deal. We have some money. Some actors we approached have shown interested to come onboard, some don't. We may have a chance at getting a crew, because at the least, they have the same passion for filmmaking.
But nothing concrete.
And everyone dissuaded us from using our own money to make the film. They think it's suicide.
We wonder whether we should push on with the project...
I remembered that at one point, Eng Tiong is so dejected and frustrated (which he is seldom so because he is usually the more optimistic of us two) when he can't find a feasible post-production solution for Dollhouse, with time running short because of film festival submission deadlines, that he questioned why we're doing this, wanting to make films.
I answered in a really small voice, "because we want to fulfil our dream?"
That sounded really weak. What is a dream anyway but an imaginary bubble in my head? I know I couldn't even convince myself.
By then I, too, wasn't sure whether it's a dream or a nightmare.
He said, "It's all for ego, isn't it? Because we want people to pay money to come watch the film and like it, so that we will feel good about ourselves."
I remained silent throughout the journey home that night. I realised that I don't know the answer either.
Is filmmaking really my dream? Or is it nothing but an ego trip?
A few days later, 7 January 2006, a Saturday, I was reading the newspapers. I don't usually read the Saturday Recruit Section but I did that day. Don't know why.
I scrutinized each and every job ad - engineering, finance, business, HR, sales... and more engineering. There isn't a job out there for my skills and capabilities.
A huge wave of disappointment washes over - there isn't a job out there for me.
But just as suddenly, I had a revelation. It hits me why I want to make "Exposed!"
It's not ego.
It's just simply to feel useful in this world, that I have a reason to be here. That I have something to offer the world.
I may not be able to cook to be a chef or to invent something useful to help mankind. But I can provide a story for their entertainment. That may not seem like much but at least, it is something.
Eng Tiong asks, "Aren't you being over-confident to think that we have a talent in filmmaking?"
I said, "Even Einstein said that being a genius is 1% talent and 99% hard work. 99% is something we can deal with. And I have the intention to make filmmaking my capability."
So there. The first instinct to make a film isn't about making money, it isn't about fame. It's definitely not ego.
It's about being useful in this world with my chosen capability.
So yes, we decided to go ahead with making "Exposed!" We'll put in our own money. And I can tell you, it's totally hard-earned.
Every single cent of it.
It's not going to be enough and we've told everyone involved so. We're going to find the money or go earn some more to make sure everyone onboard gets paid.
We're definitely glad and appreciative of all the advices we've had from everyone. Ultimately, we have to listen to our own. And somehow I feel I haven't heard it for a long while.
It's good to hear it now.
2 comments:
This is going to be a very long comment…
I don’t even know how to start. My family and friends believe that life is about getting a good education to get that respectable job that pays respectively as well. After which comes getting married and having children…raising them, feed the doctors before you die. They are not wrong; a lot of people are living it that way. It is the best structure for “Life” to benefit a growing economy. Personally to me, the only structure for “Life” is Birth-Grow-Die.
They dreaded when they realized those things are not what I wanted. They wanted to change me and they almost did…they almost knock their senses into mine.
I want to make films like you both. I don’t know what are the reasons that make you want to make films but I am pretty sure I know why I want to. It is very simple actually. The reason is that it makes me happy. Happy even when it makes me feel miserable most of the time.
I didn’t go to FSV after my family’s emotional blackmail. I went to take a long distance degree in Banking and Finance instead. I left in the second year and work in a stock-broking firm selling unit trust to retail clients. I hated myself. I was unhappy. It was then that I decided I shall quit my course to break the stoves and sink the ships. It was to make sure that I have no way back. I know I was weak and I needed to do it to force myself forward in my dream. I plunge in without any formal training. The only thing I have is “Do or Die”
This was in 2005 and I was already 24 by then. I am crazy. I believe I can learn on the job though. I didn’t have the best of experience with the first production house I intern for and now I am still looking for a good place to park myself full-time to learn about production, earning that couple of bucks as a production assistant/assistant producer on an ad-hoc basis to try to feed myself. I am lucky that I can live with my family and they don’t need my contribution financially. I am miserable because I don’t know the cards of tomorrow! But I am happy with my life. To me, nothing beats living my own life. I won’t exchange thousands of dollars for it, I don’t need to dine and wine, I don’t need to compare myself with my peers or the rest of the world and be “better” to feel successful. In fact, I don’t need a long life. I would choose a second of joy and then die over ten minutes of regrets and then die.
I am one step closer now to realize what I want to do, although still VERY far away but you can’t deny I am one inch closer. Haha
Why I am talking about myself? I guess when I read your entry, I felt good. I felt good because I felt that “hey, there are people with similar dreams. I am not alone” So, I wrote about myself to say, “hey, I think you both are doing a great job there and I am going to be just like you guys one day.” All the best, the world is at your feet! Go Go Go! (Waves pom pom)
***
Since everyone had dissuaded you from putting in your own money, I shall be different and say, “I think it’s a great idea to put in your own money! Not every single cent though.” I think it’s a good idea because when you meet up with investors, you can tell them that you are putting in your own money. It’s good because it will inspire investor confidence. (I won’t put my money with anyone who won’t put money with themselves.)
You probably would have already thought of all these before but I thought what’s the harm of making some more suggestions. A lot of us don’t belong to a family of hotelier and holds significant stake in Stand Chart, we probably don’t have the luxury of being too self-indulgent. Our stakes are higher and less people want to befriend us and be nice to us. While our agenda is to make our film, (if not completely self-funded) what we are actually doing is to make money. Money makes the world go round. If we are (Locally) Jack Neo or Raintree Pictures, a good idea is probably enough (Optimistically). If we are not, then we need to leverage on something else to make our film look as though it will make money. You know the usual, story based on a popular book, famous director, famous producer, popular celebrity etc. Therefore getting a good selling point would be nice.
As you know, I am new into all these so I asked myself one day, if one day I am going to make my first film and I am inexperience in making it… how do I marry the investors with the film I want to make? I began my day-dream as usual… I thought since at the end of the day, production house want to make money, investor want to make money, distributors want to make money… Is it possible that I go to Juan at GGI or Raintree or Jteam as independent producer and say, “hey, I have a great story to make. If I can get it made and it makes profit, I’ll split some to you and the best thing is you don’t have to invest in this film or put any manpower on it if you don’t want to. I will find the money and work on it myself. You will be like an ‘advisor’. There won’t be any cost to you but there will be profit for you.” Of course, their reputation is at stake… so maybe it’s not that feasible after all… but I thought, “hey, if Raintree agrees… I can go to investor and say… Raintree is going to co-produce this film with me…” Hopefully, that will help sell the film to the investors…It’s almost like working for Raintree for free.
Anyway, of course the idea may not work… but at least I found an avenue to share it. haha
Okay… I am beginning to lose control of myself…I am becoming very optimistic.
Anyway...I have crap too much…
Hope your idea, finalized key personnel, cast and budget will find you your distributors soon! And then with everything place, may you find your investors!
All The Best!
Dear Anonymous (but somehow I've a gut feeling that I may know you!),
I really hope that you'll fulfill your dreams too!
We don't know whether we'll get to see the light at the end of the tunnel, we don't know whether we'll get distributors. We've thought about that so much that we decided to stop that thinking and just concentrate our efforts on getting the film made. Right now, that is our priority. The rest is just distraction.
Life is about learning. So I don't expect that we can cover or master everything that we need to know about the film business with just this one film.
We don't have much money but if you're keen to join on our journey, get in touch. We now have a core team and they are passionate about filmmaking. For that, Eng Tiong and I are really grateful for. To top it off, they're really fun (& funny) to be with too!
Or if you need any kind of help that we could give, by all means, let us know.
Being a lonely filmmaker won't do!
Best Regards
Jen Nee
Post a Comment